Namaste! Happy Wednesday! :)
It's a fairly quiet week at work but it's good. My work is never truly caught up and I usually just keep things under control. However there is always extra paperwork that needs to be gone through and cleared out which is what I'm working on this week.
I had a nice surprise. My friend stopped by to drop off a little gift for me. Something small. She was at the mall and saw a key-chain with Audrey Hepburn on it with her quote "Nothing is impossible. The word itself says "I'm possible". Thanks Katie!! That is one of my favorites. I love her too and I love that my friends know me and see something that positive and it makes them think of me. I feel like my goal of living a positive life and really being ME is truth. Awesomeness!! :)
Some other random facts about me if any of you are interested. I love old war movies and westerns. I grew up with them and my family loves them. Clint Eastwood and John Wayne rock. One of my favorite movies EVER is a 70's war movie called Kelly's Heroes. Has Clint and a bunch of others. Both my parents love it and it just makes me all nostalgic. I just recently got a vintage Pyrex bowl set off of Etsy for the same reason. My mom had the entire set and it just makes me feel like I have a piece of home with me. I love Broadway shows, my favorite cereal growing up was Golden Grahams, I've gotten Migraines from the time I was a little girl but they have eased the past couple of years. I was recently diagnosed with an astigmatism which may have contributed to them. But with pregnancy and becoming a mommy, I don't seem to get them as much. Possible body chemistry change?? Lets hope I didn't just jinx myself. *shudder*. Star Wars is like a family member. I am into the vintage, classic, fun style of home decor and Pinterest is inspiring me to up-cycle everything. Not really into "modern" styles very much. I like warmth, softness, comfort, welcoming. I have mentioned my liking certain trends here and there and that's true. I don't like them because they are popular and celebrities wear them. I like them because I like them. That's my style! :) I have two friends that are fashion forward and own boutiques. Perhaps they can get me to be more of a fashion diva! Hehehe! And my favorite style of home, at least here in the United States are the Craftsman homes, especially the Craftsman Bungalows. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. So much charm and character and coziness. Ahh. Perfect. I have an entire board on Pinterest for them.
I have realized to be happy I need to incorporate certain things into my life. Actually I need to stop doing certain things. And I am succeeding so far. The first is I just remain true to myself. I am a nice person. Sometimes too nice. I used to have an assertiveness pact with my friend and being more assertive is good but at the same time I like being a nice person. Not a door mat. A nice person. I feel like I'm honoring my mother by being the kind, fair and well-mannered person she raised.
I've stopped worrying about the future so much and stressing about what's happened in the past. Neither of these things has anything to do with the present. Yes, making plans is good and ensuring my boys futures is important but worrying about what may or may not happen is not going to do any of us any good. And what's done is done. The past is over with. We can't change anything but we can learn from it. And honestly, what's happened to us good and bad are what makes us tick and what makes each of us individuals and interesting. How boring if we all lived normal, un-eventful lives!! haha! Having stories to tell is good.
I've learned to stop thinking so much. Thinking causes worry way too often. Feeling and doing is so much better. Live each day as it comes. Feel. Let your intuition guide you. Follow your heart. Stop focusing on what you don't want. Focus on what you do. Avoid the drama. And let go of what does not serve you or enhance your life.
I also stopped trying to make myself happy through other things. Mine was food for a long time. We numb ourselves with things. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, salt, sugar, gambling, sex. These are all ways to avoid reality and get through life but it's not helping much if you aren't fixing the issues causing you to turn to these things. I was so unhappy within myself for so long and food and allowing myself to be out of shape was a suit of armor of sorts. It made me feel safe. But I was miserable. Now I am living the life I should have been living all along. And have the stamina and confidence to enjoy myself. Of course I have insecurities but they don't define me or my happiness anymore.
And a huge one is I stopped worrying about the opinion of others so much. Yes you want to please certain people in your life and the opinion of my mother drives me to be a certain way. I'd say inspire. She was a strong woman and she taught me not to wallow in self-pity. But I live my life for me. I don't worry about what others think. Like I've said before, the ones that are true friends will be there anyway and support you anyway. It's quality not quantity.
I asked to separate and divorce at 6 months pregnant with my second child with my entire family on the other side of the country. I just knew in my heart and soul that things would never change and I didn't want to stay in a miserable situation for the rest of my life. I said I'd rather be alone than deal with what I was dealing with. I'm sure there are many that judged or thought things about me but what can ya do? I can't force people to think a certain way about me based on minimal information. If they want to make a decision and not really get to know me or understand why then that's on them. I know the truth and God knows the truth and my true friends know the truth. That really is all that matters. It has been an interesting few years though. :)
Lastly, some truths. If I were to describe myself...I'd say I'm genuine, friendly, funny (I think I'm pretty quick witted and it's the little things in life that make me laugh a lot), reliable, strong, sensitive (too sensitive sometimes!! I fully admit that!), sometimes stubborn and I can be opinionated but I don't think I'm ever unfair. I think my expectations of people make me irritated at times. I don't deal well with irrational or diva like behavior or those that need to bring negativity. I just don't know HOW to deal with them as it's not my way so I'm left just being me and going about my day anyway. I talk and laugh and have fun. When I get quiet is when you know something is wrong or I'm overwhelmed with life. When I was little people would say I talked too much. So I started talking fast so I could get everything said in a shorter period of time. :p So yes, me quiet is usually indicative that I'm not myself.
Anyway....enjoy your day. Just be you. Diversity is a beautiful thing.
"Instead of jumping at the chance to be offended, choose to be amused. Rather than filling your thoughts with resentment, fill your heart with forgiveness" - Ralph Marston
God bless! xoxoxo
Tam
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