I hope you all had a great Sunday whether you celebrate Easter or Passover or just celebrated the weekend.
I have to confess, I drank a ton of soda yesterday. I just can't help myself when it comes to Dr. Pepper. Ughhh. And it made me feel crappy as I knew it would. I am so embarrassed but these things happen.
Annddd......April Fools!! Hehehehe!!...................I know that was lame and corny....eh, I own it. I had to do something. I think I might be wary today. People get sneaky on this day. :)
I had a great day yesterday. Low key but nice. I took my boys hiking around 11am. It was soo nice out. Perfect hiking weather. Cool but comfortable in hoodies. My goofballs. We have a little bit of fun together. And they love being outside.
And then we watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and I made a nice dinner. The chicken went over very well. My oldest devoured it and said I make the best chicken ever. If you want the recipe it's in yesterdays blog post. They didn't care for the risotto much but I loved it. It was a nice indulgence. There was butter and a little Parmesan cheese but it was still clean, real food. Very rich but the lemon juice and zest added a nice acid to it.
Today is a exercise hard and eat like a rabbit day to balance out the treats of yesterday. I can't wait to get a good sweat at the gym. The hike was great and worked my lower body well but I'm in shape so it doesn't get my heart rate up as well as pushing myself on the elliptical even when going up the hills. I had to keep it somewhat reasonable for the boys to handle it too. They are balls of non-stop energy but they were both dragging their feet with "I'm tiiiiirrreeed" by the end. Haha!
It's Spring and with that comes the feeling of getting out and enjoying time with friends, etc. I have gone on some dates recently and have more potential ones. I am so careful though and it's difficult to find the right people who can be patient with my schedule. I work a lot and I have my boys a lot (which I love) and the priorities limit my free time. Some seem able to work with that, others not so much. And I am careful about bringing anyone around the boys too soon. They have been through enough and their needs need to matter more than my own.
So finding that right guy to understand this and accept it and just be patient is difficult. I guess I should be flattered that they want to see me as much as they do but they make wrong assumptions when I can't. Or don't invite them here with my boys right away. Also, being alone has been very cleansing for me. I really need it to clear my head. I was married (a lot unhappily) for 7 years and then separated and divorced with an infant and going back to work. It's a lot and I just needed a breather. I did get into a relationship for a few months in 2012 which had some good elements and I have great memories it but just wasn't the right fit in the end. It actually gave me stomach issues through his inability to trust and constantly assuming the worst and questioning. I just felt like everything I did was wrong. Since we ended, my stomach issues got better. That's pretty telling. That listen to your body, listen to your intuition/gut feeling is very right!
So here I am, active, healthy, energetic with two amazing little boys. Hopefully the right piece to the puzzle comes along now that I feel ready. But I am perfectly content being by myself until then. I've never been the co-dependent type but taking a break is not going to kill you even if you are. If you can stay in an awful relationship for years, taking time to devote time to yourself a beautiful thing. And refusing to settle and raising your standards and also paying attention to patterns can help you make a better choice. Perhaps some of these dates will lead to more now that I am actually getting out there again after a Winter hibernation! haha! I am sure I am not the only single mother or single parent in general that feels this confusion over how to balance it all out and please everyone. In the end you just can't please everyone. The boys come first of course...and I guess the one who is patient enough will show himself.
I am not a relationship expert by any means but I know there are many people in the same boat and I thought if I shared then maybe they wouldn't feel so alone in this struggle to balance it! I am happy and don't feel alone. But I am a loving woman and would like to share time and fun experiences with a great guy. That's why I asked for a divorce at 6 months pregnant. I just knew it wasn't going to get better and he made me so miserable that it just hit me that I could not live the rest of my life that way with someone I didn't even want to touch me. It was like being in jail and I had given it 110% by the end, trying everything possible and I know that. I would rather be alone than experience that ever again.
I hope you all have a great day! It's a new week and a new month! Pay it forward in some way today. That always makes me feel great!
"Nobody who is somebody looked down on anybody" - Margaret Deland
God Bless,
Tami
No comments:
Post a Comment